Registration

Tuesday 4/2/21 13:04

Darren: Hello, my name is Darren Garrett, and I consent to the recording of this conversation for official use. I have read the privacy statement and understand that these statements will be used by any government entities that are deemed pertinent.

Doctor: Thank you Darren. So Darren, please tell me why you are here today.

Darren: I am here to present myself to be registered as a supernaturally abled person as is required by law.

Doctor: Thank you for voluntarily coming in to do this. We appreciate your cooperation. Now tell me Darren, what is your supernatural ability?

Darren: Um, so I can basically sort of access the memories and learned skills of other Mes that went down different life paths.

Doctor: Can you elaborate?

Darren: Yeah, um, basically like what I said. For example, if my toilet breaks, I could basically ask myself “What if I had chosen to pursue a career in plumbing?” and then like I sort of feel this decision tree that branches off through the various courses my life could have taken. Um. I pick the path most relevant to my question or need, and I basically instantaneously experience all of the memories of that other me up until the present day in that Darren’s life. That gives me the skills I need to repair my toilet. That’s a really banal example but… uh…

Doctor: Can you describe this decision tree and how you pick the path?

Darren: Um, it’s very instinctual. Like I don’t see it so much as visualize it based on this other sort of sense. There’s like this vibration in my mind as I hone in on the most relevant thread to choose. It’s hard to say without getting too abstract, but it would really be like trying to describe colors to a blind man. But yeah, in a way, I can feel all of the hundreds of thousands of paths I could have taken.

Doctor: When did this start?

Darren: I think something must have happened during the car accident I was in. I mean, I don’t know if there was some chemical involvement, or if I hit my head in just the right way, or if the six days I was in a coma triggered it, or if I was bitten by a radioactive regret or what. I didn’t notice it for a while though. It wasn’t for a few months after that. I’ve been in constant pain since then, and I really haven’t been at my best mentally, and one night as I was rolling around in my bed, not able to find a comfortable position to sleep in, I was super pissed and sad and really thought about what if I had called off work on the day of the crash. All of a sudden, this rush of experience happened, the decision tree, the memories, and next thing I know, I’m sobbing and terrified.

Doctor: When was this?

Darren: … about four months ago.

Doctor: … why did you wait so long to report this to us?

Darren: For a while, I just thought I’d gone completely fucking insane. After I experimented and sort of confirmed for myself that it was real, well, I don’t have a great answer for that aside from avoidant anxiety disorder. Admitting this to others, it’s not a step I could take lightly. The fear just kind of built up.

Doctor: Have you admitted this to others? Aside from us?

Darren: No.

<pause>

Doctor: So tell me more about how you experience these memories.

Darren: It’s, uh, it’s a lot. … I’ll make an inquiry and then it’s this immediate flood of like a whole other life. It’s pretty overwhelming.

Doctor: I can imagine. How do you hold onto your sense of self?

Darren: That’s sort of the thing. I’m not doing an amazing job at that.

Doctor: Can you walk me through an example?

Darren: … Well, if you think about your life, you’re not going to remember every little moment. The boring shit just all sort of blends together. The more emotionally potent moments will stick out to you, the real defining factors. That’s basically it. But holy shit, it takes a toll. … Like in the lives I remember where I have wives or kids or friends that I’ve never even met. All of a sudden, I remember spending twelve years with a woman I’m very much in love with, right up until the concurrent moment that This Me asks the question, then all of a sudden she’s gone. It’s… rending. Here I am, feeling this intense intimacy with someone who I’ve spent so much of my life with, only she doesn’t know who the hell I am. ... Sometimes, I’ll go on Facebook and look up these people who meant the world to me. I’ll look up a woman who bore my children, only to see her married to a different man, with different children, and I’ll just… weep.

Doctor: How do you cope with this?

Darren: Not well. But the funny thing about memories is they do fade. Even skills I learn through this process, if I don’t use them, and build new memories with them, they fade. The people fade, too. But I’ll think I’m fine and then I’ll be walking through the store and suddenly smell Jessie’s perfume, or I’ll be watching a movie and remember sitting on the couch and watching it with Stacy, but it’s not my couch, and it’s certainly not my Stacy. I’ve sent dozens of different children off to their first days of school, and those small humans that I loved with all my heart just… don’t exist. The memories that stick with me most are the ones that I ended up obsessing over. I remember remembering them, so I’ve sort of cemented them in my mind, for better or worse.

Doctor: So using your power, it comes at a pretty serious cost.

Darren: Sometimes, very serious. Sometimes, not as much. The more middle of the road, mediocre life the other Me lead, the easier to deal with. And by mediocre, I mean personally, not professionally. Professionally, that stuff is pretty fine. Not very emotionally fraught, but potentially very useful. I mean, at no point would any of the skills I learn be considered superhuman. I can’t fucking fly or shoot laser beams out of my hands or anything. I’m just a guy, but a guy with feasibly a tremendous amount of skills that I can access instantaneously. I’m like a Swiss army knife, with a number of options for specific situations, but when you pull out the corkscrew, it’s exhausting and potentially emotionally devastating.

Doctor: What has been the most troubling instance that you’ve encountered while using your power?

<pause>

Darren: <sighs> Okay, so I was at a party and having a few drinks. There was a piano there, and also a really lovely woman that I wanted to impress. So I inquired about the life I would have led if I’d dedicated myself to learning to play the piano. Innocuous enough, right? But apparently, Piano Me raped a girl in his early twenties. … I can remember that memory vividly. I guess because the shock of experiencing it was so traumatic. But yeah. Piano Me, got her drunk and fucked her unconscious body. I remember the feeling of pounding away at this defenseless woman. When I came out of the inquiry, I stood up, vomited all over the place, and ran out of the party. Now I have to deal with having this memory of a disgusting act I didn’t actually commit to a woman I’ve never actually met, but it was fucking real to me. IS fucking real. I don’t know if these other lives I’ve lead exist on other planes of existence or if this is just some hypothetical construct in my head that I can somehow draw knowledge from. I don’t know if this event DID happen on some other plane or not. But is the only thing standing between Me and Rapist Piano Me a few life choices? Does that capability for awful acts lie dormant in me?

Doctor: Did this experience make you want to commit rape?

Darren: It made me want to commit suicide.

Doctor: Do you want to commit suicide now?

Darren: No.

<pause>

Doctor: Let’s switch gears a bit. Can you tell me some of the limitations of your power?

Darren: Well, I can’t access any decisions that would have occurred since the accident. That’s sort of cut off for me, which is why I’m fairly certain that that’s when my power came about. Um, if the most relevant life thread to what I’m inquiring about ends in my death that happens before this point in time, I experience the death, and, uh, fuck… whatever you’re imagining, it’s a lot worse than that. And I guess it probably goes without saying that, while I can know martial arts, I’m still in this body. I don’t have the physical ability to kick a lot of ass. Like I’m sort of a smart fighter, but not particularly tough or strong. And considering the handicap since the crash, I’m not really able to hit the gym. I think I’m stuck being middle aged and kinda doughy. But yeah. I’m fairly smart, I guess, so the proficiency at which I gain a knowledge is going to be relatively decent. But nothing above regular human capability. I’m not cut out for any of your superhero teams or anything. I doubt I’d even be all that useful beyond everyday sort of stuff.

Doctor: How has your power affected how you make a living?

Darren: Well… uh… to test if this was real, I inquired what it would have been like if I’d dedicated myself to becoming a professional gambler. Gambler Me made a pretty good living off of it. So I went to Atlantic City and tried it out. Made a fair amount of money, and then I knew it was time to get out before I was thrown out. The next day, I inquired what it would be like if I’d dedicated myself to becoming a stock trader. Made some investments with that startup money, and I’ve been working with that ever since. I can work from home, which is great for being in pain all the time. I’ve not gone crazy greedy or anything, and once again, it’s not like I can see the future or whatever. I make the same mistakes anyone else would, so I don’t think it’s particularly unfair or anything.

Doctor: Are the other worlds you see in your other lives different at all?

Darren: Not in any way that is particularly noticeable. I can really only ask hypotheticals about my own actions, not about the world. I can’t see what would have happened if Mitt Romney of Hillary Clinton became president or shit like that. I did see what it would have been like if I’d dedicated myself to politics. I rose to the lofty position of city councilperson of Upper Sandusky, Ohio. So no, I don’t see different worlds. I’m not sure I could handle that.

Doctor: Is there anything else you’d like to mention about your powers or your life?

Darren: Not really. I’d just like to know where we go from here.

Doctor: Well, we’ll be meeting every week for a few months until we have a firm grasp and who you are and how you are adjusting. We can be relatively flexible with this, you’re not on parole or anything. This is as much for your benefit as it is for ours. Then, depending on how that progresses, we’ll go from there. It sounds as if you’re not interested in participating in any of our crisis response teams, and while we don’t force citizens into labor, you may be approached about the issue later, if an agency sees that you could be an asset. I’ve noted your personal reluctance due to the obvious strain your power takes on you, not to mention your physical disability. But we will be as much of a resource for you as we can be. I hope you’re feeling more comfortable with having come forward to register now.

Darren: mhmm

Doctor: Good. Well, that’s really all for today. There’s a little more paperwork to fill out, but I can tell you’re ready to get out of here. Let’s - <recording ends>