Warning Label

The past three weeks have been profoundly challenging. The pain has escalated so much, and with so many sudden spikes, that I have mentally retreated from the world as much as possible. 

I am emotionally unstable. It feels like the door to my happy place, whatever that is, has been barred. Not a minute goes by that I don't remember that I am in pain and that I have been in pain for seven years straight without a day of rest.

It has gotten Bad.

I'm not saying this for pity or sympathy. I am saying this because a wounded animal is a dangerous animal. It is a struggle to mitigate how much I want to lash out, and anyone in my sphere is at risk. I feel I have kept myself in check, but I want this to preemptively explain my behavior. No matter what I am going through though, I am still accountable for my actions, which is something so many people forget. My trials do not entitle me to be selfish. 

I want to go out. I need a good time. I simply can't bring myself to get out of bed for anything but an obligation. 

Even opening up about this is hard, which is a rarity for me. I'm not even sure that I want to engage people about the topic. Talking about it makes me think about it more, and there is nothing any of you can do for me. It simply felt unhealthy to keep this in for so long, as I have been in some serious depths. 

As for my plan, I intend to try like hell to stay distracted and to just keep plodding on.