Sarahah and Sincerity

So Sarahah has become a fad, which means it has its lovers and haters, both with varying degrees of rational consideration. Personally, I’ve been enjoying it, though I know that others have had toxic outcomes from it. I’ve had many positive notes as well as a few challenging ones. I haven’t had any outright negative submissions, which my paranoid brain immediately turned into “What? Do people think I’m too fragile to handle criticism?!?” But yeah, that part of my brain is really stupid.

The whole thing has gotten me thinking about honesty and sincerity. They are both very difficult values to always advance in one’s daily life. I mean, I personally think deception is a vital part of society and that if everyone voiced every thought that they had, the world would likely crumble within a fortnight. At the very least, almost all of us would lose our jobs as soon as we started telling people what we really thought.

Maybe that’s just me. As a kid from an abusive family, I had to constantly lie or hide the truth. Not really about external things, but internal. My mother hated anything inside of me that wasn’t a perfect replica of herself, so any deviation was swiftly and overwhelmingly punished. I had to create an entirely different person to pretend to be on a daily basis. My mask was meticulous. It’s only when I gave up on ever displaying any independent thought that I could finally earn some peace. I got really, really good at being so vague and noncommittal that I never actually said anything, and the impulse persists. I am reflexively diplomatic to the point of rarely saying anything at all. It infuriates me. So much of my life has since focused on finding the right words, then forcing myself to make them public – to take a fucking stand and be me. It goes against all of my training and I panic each time I hit that “Publish” button. But it is my defiance.

I also have a very acute association with not telling people harsh truths because I think that what I say might set them down a path towards their death/suicide. PTSD – it’s called insane for a reason. I fear that telling someone something negative that I think about them will eventually be their undoing – I actually have OCD against telling people harsh truths. That’s wildly overestimating my influence, but a number of people have told me that my words have saved them, so it does stand to reason that my words could also have the opposite effect (even though that would obviously be the fallacy of the converse).

Plus, I suppose I’ll always feel like I have my mother’s blood on my hands. Broken brains can get really dumb.

So Sarahah has allowed sincerity to come anonymously, as conceptually problematic as that is. It’s also allowed for people to be shitty with each other, but any new medium of communication will do that. I’m pretty sure that if the telegram could have rendered visual media, unsolicited dick pics would have been a staple of the American West. Shittiness aside, I’ve found it to be a great prompt for a number of discussions. Me being me, I’ve tried to answer rather candidly when asked questions, which, when posted to Facebook, has given others the opportunity to comment on their thoughts. I actually do feel like I’ve learned more about my friends who participated and that perhaps they know more of me. This is invaluable to me. For as distant and disengaged as I tend to be on a daily basis, I consider my relationships the only thing in my life truly worth my energy (after that first level of Maslow’s hierarchy). Knowing each other better is beautiful. For that, I’m thankful. I hope the trend persists.

Also, the anonymous comments telling me that I’m hot have been very appreciated.

My mood has been more positive overall for the past few days, likely because I’ve been so engaged with multiple friends on multiple topics. Making people laugh is one of my primary goals in life, and I jump at any chance I see. I feel like I’ve been pretty on point of late. This could be bolstered by the fact that I haven’t been getting laid recently. I seem to get funnier the longer I go without sex. I think it’s an adaptive response built to attract a mate. I’m like a bird whose spring plumage is coming in. Except instead of feathers, it’s jokes about eating ass.

I will say this about sincerity, though. I largely prioritize kindness and diplomacy over truth when interacting with someone. This can lead me to sugarcoat things or to be evasive to the point of opacity. If you want pure truth prioritized, I can give it to you. Be damned sure that you want it. And also be damned sure that I’m not saying anything with the purpose of hurting you. My perspective is not a weapon aimed at you; it’s how I see the world. Just as an example, if you ask me to truthfully tell you if I think you are intelligent, I may say “no.” That will not at all be with the intent of insulting you, merely my perception. I don’t know if that makes a difference to you, but it does to me.

Just know that if I've been kind to you, that’s the real truth. I avoid outright lies at all cost, so if I have ever said something directly, ever taken a stand, ever told you that I like you or that you matter to me, that’s the biggest truth you need to know.

Anyway, if you ever want to ask me for my completely truthful perception, here are the magic words. “David, I want to ask you a question, and I want you to speak only the truth without regard for my feelings or any potential consequences,” then ask your question. I shy away from sincerity because I don’t think people truly want it, but if you make that effort, I will know that you do. I may suggest that the conversation occur at a different time, but I will get to it. I may suggest that the conversation would be better to have in person, so that could be a consideration. I will tell you this, though; the right time is NEVER at Shadowland. That’s happy fun time, not serious time.

So there you go. Magic words, if you care enough to use them. You now know the Zone of Truth spell. Yer a wizard, Harry.